I found out expressive art therapy helps borderline and I have been getting ready for it. I made an art journal cover today. Going to start doing it all the time. I need to do it, because therapy tends to go toward me being an unhealable psycho or at least the times I talked about my trauma. I tend to get a big NOPE when I talk about my suicide attempt. Maybe Florida was just a bad state for therapy.
I will make some art about all of the things. I know I bring it up a lot, but that was a very traumatizing experience. I wanted to die and people agreed with me that is enough to mess anyone up. I just can’t believe I lived. I need to work it out and I will soon if I get a call, but I just need to vent about how sometimes when you are traumatized people isolate you. Like you are so terrible of a person to have had that terrible thing happen to you. I also have joy a lot of the time when I’m not focused on it and that scares people because I should be messed up. I don’t have to identify with trauma all the time. I can be happy in the midst of depression. It happens.
I think telling everyone about this is a way to show that I feel and am human too. I too get hurt, sad, depressed, happy, joyful, angry. I get dark as much as I’m sunshine. Why is it not ok to feel anymore? Why are we so disconnected from feeling? Even though we feel a lot and are easily offended, too. Or at least I see that. I really hope therapy goes well. I hope therapy is actually healing and not telling me I’m still a freak.