I have been way hard on myself starting out with this working out stuff. I went for a leisurely walk yesterday and by the time I got to the third block my body started to go into shock. I was in pain especially in my lower legs. I thought at first maybe it was the shoes. I have always been able to go for a walk. Really long ones at that, but for some reason since I started my medication I haven’t been able to do it. I have been depressed for a long time and I think that I have become atrophied. I wish I wasn’t but I stretched today and couldn’t get as far as I used to get just playing around. I’m not sure what changed other than maybe the crushing weight of depression. I wasn’t even able to sleep with a blanket for a while and it took me a while to fall asleep. I was so wiped out today I slept through all my daily plans. But that’s the price I pay when I don’t take care of myself.
My brother told me that it will probably be excruciating and that it was a consequence of years of atrophy. He told me to stretch and I tried and could barely lift my leg higher than my gut laying on the bed. I am WAY out of shape. I haven’t been this tired or fat maybe ever. I used to have a problem with exercise though. I could only get in the walk before I was in pain. I tried to walk and work and walk I would get back home and crash into my bed feeling awful. Everything was in pain and I was unable to move. I would crash for an hour and just get back up and do life. I haven’t been able to be very athletic even though I really have always desired to be. It might be in my head a little, but I really desire to get back on my feet and exercise again. Even if I have to be lame and low impact. My muscles are gone though. I have muscle obviously, but I have atrophied. I used to be very strong and very stretchy. That’s all gone now. It makes it even more of a challenge to be fit, but I’m not going to give up. Once I have stretched out this shock and get mobile again I will be trying to do something light like pilates and the dancing in the house. I don’t do well with the shock of the cold. I haven’t been in Illinois long enough to get used to the cold.
But in order to not sound like a Debbie Downer, I will be making a stretching habit. Often. I think I will ease into the exercise for 10 minutes three times a day. Nothing major, but moving. I need to get through this. Maybe if it’s in the 50’s sometime I will do a small walk and get into it, but for now just a little at a time. I know there is good pain, but the pain I’m feeling in my body is awful and made me realize how feeble I have become with being sick and sad. NO MORE! I will get it together!
If you want to join my party on Habitica. It’s a site where you do daily tasks like an role playing game. I am fighting the Laundromancer right now and it would be cool to get some extra hits in. Add the app and search @reenahkicksbutt. You could email me your name and I can invite you as well. Check out my contact page. I know it’s a little silly, but we all need reasons to get up in the morning and besides the Grace of God I have this app. Check it out.
I haven’t really gone any further in my novel, because I have been so busy with taking care of my mom who fell and can’t see out of one eye. I kind of think all the running around might be part of it, but it has been good to get moving. I feel more responsible for my life and less like a tool. I do think I’m being hard on myself though. You can’t just go from disabled to fit and active overnight. It’s definitely a process. I hope you are all well. I will keep you posted on the progress of the new plan.